with your own penis?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
