so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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