youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
