just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize