Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
