You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
