I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
