at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
