piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
