oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
