he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
