No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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