You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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