So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
