My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
