its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
