Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
