you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I know her cup size but not her name....
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
