I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize