Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
