I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
