i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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