I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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