He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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