The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
