Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
