i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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