a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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