Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
what day is it and did you see me today?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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