my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I would fuck him just for his dog
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
