last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
