You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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