she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
