I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
