my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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