I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
