Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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