i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
