we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
