i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
