so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
