Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
3 2 1 whiskey
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
