wakey wakey hands off snakey
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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