I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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