yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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