Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
