ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
