I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize