and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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