Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
