My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
