she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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