I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
and she was petting her beer can
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
