but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
