dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
