found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
