how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
