he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize