Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
