i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize