singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
