i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
