wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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