only you would photoshop your dick
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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