I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize