i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
