I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
