We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Fuck appropriateness.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
