I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
