Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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