I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You're a waste of cheezeits
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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